he said she said

i've already twittered and facebooked this but i need to record it here on the ol' blog for posterity :)
she's nearly 4 and has been attached to her fingers since about 3 months old. (oh my gosh, looking back at the blog to find that- i can't believe so many pics i haven't scrapped! i love my blog for taking me down memory lane for a bit tonight!) we've had plenty of family members tell her she should stop sucking her fingers. most of the time, she takes them out for a second, then sticks them back in ever so defiantly. :) today while at trader joe's, a man was walking past us, stopped, looked at her and said, 'you shouldn't suck your fingers, stop that.' he then turned and knocked over a stand of oranges. i didn't say anything, i think out of pure shock. that was the first time a stranger commented on it, to her, ever! i walked away with elsie, looking at her, trying to read her thoughts. i could tell she was hurt and sad and maybe embarrassed. 
later when we were home, i asked her how that incident made her feel, and she replied, "sad...... and i wanted to punch him."

:) :) :) that's a girl with 2 older brothers. :)

ps thanks for the kind words on the brothers post. nice to know that the evolving sibling bond is similar all over the world. 

----- and we would really like her to stop with the fingers. we know eventually she will stop. she doesn't do it at school.. the first few days of school, she came home, shocked that no one else did it. i think as she gets older, she'll phase it out herself. she's the only one of our 4 who does this! those pictures capture her 2 soothies. her fingers and her blue blankie. heaven to her!

Comments

[Tara]

I can't believe someone would say that. Wait ... yes I can. What burns me is that some people think that they can just say whatever they want to children. Would he have said that to an adult? Doubtful. I've had something similar happen, and like you, I stood there shocked. It's been about 3 years since it happened and it still makes me angry. I think of the things I should have said and didn't because I'm too polite. If it ever happens again though ... I'll be ready ;)

[Susie]

Of my three, my middle girl was the only one to suck her fingers (the same two as Elsie). She sucked on her fingers in order to fall asleep, as well as during the day whenever she was stressed. She finally stopped doing it around the age of 5, and it was pretty painless at that point. She seemed to just phase it out on her own.

[auts]

i wish she did punch him. btw, on your other post, how about my kids don't even get along?

[olivia]

Seriously... what's the big deal? Of all the bad, strange or icky habits she could have I can't believe sucking fingers is even an issue. She's fine, and a cutie to boot.

[tara pollard pakosta]

I don't see anything wrong with it. she will stop on her own! if her teeth are crooked because of it and the dentist tells her to stop, then she might. that's what happened to my daughter at 3.5 , she sucked a nuk and the dentist told her to stop! no worries! she's so adorable!
tara

[tara pollard pakosta]

p.s. my other daughter nursed until age 3 when my mom told her if she caught her doing it again,she would spank us both! my poor baby quit soon after that, within a few weeks because she felt guilty about it! I think people should mind their own business! family included LOL!
tara

[Rachael]

Remember our struggle with Ben. Same thing. People would tell me & him to stop sucking his thumb including the dentist who threatened to put a special fence in his upper mouth. Crazy. He just finally stopped one day all on his own. I realized that we sometimes stress about silly things as parents and outsiders are so critical until they experience it themselves. She'll grow out of it. Hugs from Auntie Rachael.
xoxoxxoxo

[Tiffany W]

She should definitely stop sucking her fingers.
Some of my friends, when they were younger, would suck on their thumbs and later, their teeth would point outwards instead of downwards.

[maribeth]

my little girl did it, too. many, many people shared their approval/disapproval/suggestions. i really wanted her to stop on her own and definitely without harsh measures. sometime at around 4 1/2, she stopped all on her own. i am sure the same will happen for you. it may even be a little bittersweet as it is another sign they are growing up. and, then you will be glad you have these pictures to look back on.

[Emily]

wow! what a jerk! So nice to know there are experts in parenting out there ready and willing to share their parenting! ha ha! When my 3 year old twins are being naughty in a store and I get looks and/or unsolicited advice I just ask them if they have it all figured out why don't they take my two and a few others home. go elsie, although hitting is probably not the pc thing to do. :D

[janie]

Jamie: Isn't it funny how we can allow a stranger to have such an impact. I remember when my daughter went through surgery at 3, while recovering she was one of the 50% that get angry and pull out the iv's, along with my hair and hers. I went to the pharmacy and as I stood in line she was kicking me and pulling at her clothes and clawing herself. I didn't want to pick her up because she would just kick and flail out of my arms and I was afraid of dropping her(i look back and can't believe that they let us go home like that--in fact it took 2 people to get her in the carseat). There were some older women behind us making comments loud enough for me to hear. Comments about how awful of a mom I was, that the little girl just wanted my attention and why didn't I just spank her to make her behave. It was at that moment....I learned something about myself... I used to feel like I owed people an explaination but I kept silent that day.... I didn't try to make things better with my daughter because I couldn't (not because I didn't want to). But if people only realize that things aren't always as they appear.
So... don't be the parent that feels like they have to "parent" how others feel like they should.
By the way...my sisters sucked their thumbs until about 10 and one sister still finds herself sucking hers during the night when she is stressed.
Enjoy each of your kids at every stage....enjoy each "seeming bad" moment too...to learn and grow from.

[Chris]

LOL, you should have walked past him and said,
you shouldn't run into fruit baskets. Oh wait, even better, why don't you take the foot out of your mouth before you take the fingers out of someone else's mouth. Or wait even better...

[Liz]

I'm not really into the whole unsolicited advice either, especially from strangers. It ticks me off how some people think that they can just go up to someone else's kid and tell them what to do (given that they're not in mortal danger...), but it ticks me off even more 'coz it obviously affects the kids. (Can you tell I've been through this before? Ha ha!) Anyway, Elsie will be fine. She seems like a pretty tough (and adorable!) cookie.:)

[Sherrie]

Hm, he must have felt awfully strong about it. Funny he didn't say why she should stop. People are germ paranoid right now, I think.

Well, I suppose we all learn to handle the ever boistrous advice-giving people at some point in our lives. It's nice that she could identify and talk out how it made her feel. Will probably help her roll it off her back.

In my Behavior Modification class in college we were told that a behavior must be exchanged for a different behavior. Since she has sucked her fingers for so long to soothe herself then it will probably have to be a very rewarding healthy behavior to exchange, and take a long time. It's a Catch-22 with pressuring a child, b/c on one hand the negative comments of family, friends, and now strangers might pressure her to stop, but on the other hand, the negativity might drive her to soothe herself w/ her traditional method...sucking her fingers. As long as you're not embarrassed of her (which she would be able to sense) and support her as a little person, then she can feel safe to let it go when she's ready. Some kids navigate the big bad world differently than others. Some of us need more soothing than others. And that's okay.

[Louise D]

I don't really think you need more advice... but, my son who is 6 has sucked his thumb since he was 7 weeks old. His left thumb is a bit fatter now than the other and the kids at school were asking him why. So he asked me and I said from sucking his thumb - he vowed never to do it again - but has exchanged it for sucking his clothes - so awful. He never sucked his thumb unless it was bedtime and now he sucks his clothes all the time. I would rather the thumb sucking any day! She will outgrow it in her own time.

[keri]

i have to admit i'm grateful that kyden didn't get attached to a paci or on sucking on his fingers. the little girl (almost 3mos) on the other hand will probably be a different story. we've encouraged her to soothe herself with sucking on her fist only because otherwise i'd never be able to detach her from me.

personally, i didn't stop sucking my thumb until i was 7. and no amount of soap or chili pepper water hurried that along. i clearly recall making the decision to stop on my 7th birthday.

[Stephanie Mah]

no worries, im sure she will stop this habit sooner.:)
Happy weekend!

[Kathryn Reynolds]

My oldest son does that (using the same hand and fingers, too!) He turned 4 in Sept. and hasn't stopped yet. We haven't pressed it. I know he'll stop when he's ready and the time is right.

[jennifer mcguire]

if that is your biggest challenge with her, you are a lucky lady. so not a big deal, ya know? next time, kick the dude between the legs. :) hee.

[Tere]

Karma ... I bet that man was embarrassed for knocking over the oranges. I can bet Ms. Elsie won't be walking down the aisle sucking her fingers :)